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Busy ... With the Chesed of Truth
Date: September 22, 2010
The Yated Speaks with the Indefatigable Rabbi Yanky Meyer/M. Rabin Misaskim. The name conjures up the picture of one thing: Yidden being there for Yidden at the most painful, vulnerable, and needy times. Misaskim does many things that many don't know about. What a privilege for the Yated to meet with Misaskim's Rabbi Yanky Meyer. Yated: Rabbi Yanky Meyer, how did Misaskim start? RYM: I joined Hatzolah in 1983, and by the late '80's, there was a group of us, Hatzolah members and volunteers at Bikur Cholim, who were helping families during tragic times. During the very painful time when a loved one passes away, there is practical help that the family needs: calling the Chevrah Kadisah, arranging the levaya, getting the taharah done, notifying other family members ... We were also working with the legal authorities to prevent autopsies and bring the niftarim to kever Yisroel as soon as possible. As time went on, we got more and more involved, until we decided to set ourselves up as an organization with a twenty-four-hour hotline, so people don't have to look up different phone numbers to try to get in touch with one of us. We called the organization Misaskim. Over time, we've added additional programs and projects to our original services. When would an autopsy be warranted according to the American legal system? Any time there is an unknown or unwarranted cause for death. For example, if a young person, without medical issues, is suddenly niftar, or in the case of a baby who dies of SIDS, lo aleinu. We are advocates on behalf of the family and deal with law enforcement side by side. The tri-state area law enforcement departments that we deal with on a daily basis are incredibly kind, sensitive and accommodating. They feel for the families and they are definitely not looking to make life difficult for them during these most trying times. The New York City Medical Examiner's office should be role models for the rest of the world. They are amazingly sensitive and cooperative. If it's legal protocol to have autopsy in certain situations, how can Misaskim help the family? Many times it's a matter of putting the pieces together, such as speaking to the niftar's physicians and putting them in touch with the proper investigators. Typical protocol in the American legal system, however, is to proceed right away with an autopsy in certain cases, such as in a homicide. In such cases, Misaskim sends in trained volunteers to be present at the autopsy. Numerous times a year we arrange for meetings with the federal agencies in the tri-state area and beyond, so the personnel become familiar with our methodology. Our phone lines are available seven days a week, including Shabbos . If an issue comes up with a niftar of the Jewish faith, the medical experts and law enforcement officials know to call us when there's a problem. We have non-Jews answer the phone on Shabbos, strictly for the issue of kavod haniftar. They are very well-trained in dealing with these situations. What other areas does Misaskim assist with? We have special chairs available for aveilim, as well as whatever a bais avel requires. This department of Misaskim began as a small gmach for the Flatbush-Boro Park area. By now it's turned into a household name. There is a Disaster Recovery Unit which shows up at any scene of a tragedy. For the past couple of years, we have arranged a Chol Hamoed trip twice a year. We take the children and adults on a trip and just give them a great time. We go on wonderful trips. On our last Sukkos trip, we took a Circle Line around Manhattan and them enjoyed an incredible Simchas Bais Hashoivah for four hours! We danced, many rabbonim came ... it was wonderful. It's a time for children who have experienced loss to forget about it for a while and just enjoy themselves. Where do you get your ideas? We keep thinking about what we can do to make people's lives a little bit easier. We've joined up with Project Chai of Chai Lifeline and their Crisis Intervention Team, working with Dr. Norman Blumenthal and Rabbi Klar to give support to families. During difficult times, we are all vulnerable. Even if the niftar was an elderly person and the children are all married, everybody needs help as such a time. And we are there to assist. How many hours a week do you devote to Misaskim? Unfortunately, twenty-seven hours a day. No one on the executive board does this for a living. Each of us has his own separate company. And how do Misaskim volunteers make time for their families? It all depends on what is going on at the time. When the call for duty comes, we go. When somebody loses a loved one, this is the person's 911. It's a tragedy. Misaskim has many services and we have to activate the various services that the organization has to offer at such times. To whom does Misaskim address shailos? The Karlsburger Rov, Rav Yechezkel Roth shlita, with his bais din, is our posek. What kind of shailos come up? We get p'sakim about how to deal with the legal system on Shabbos and Yomim Tovim, for example. Or sometimes it's regarding an issue of how to bring a nonobservant Jew to kever Yisroel . It could be a matter of convincing family members of a nonobservant Jew to have the niftar buried in accordance with kever Yisroel. People may choose cremation for financial reasons, as it's a lot cheaper, and if we're willing to sponsor the kevurah, they will agree. Sometimes it's not for financial reasons, but rather that people believe that cremation is better, and we try to convince them otherwise. We say different things to different people to try to show them how being laid to rest in the manner of kever Yisroel is what's best for the niftar . If we discover that the niftar's parents were buried in the manner of kever Yisroel , we'll work with that idea. What a zchus for the niftar to be buried next to his or her parent. One of our most convincing explanations of how tragic cremation is when we say, "Why would you want to fall into the trap of doing what Hitler was doing to us? Why did Hitler make ovens? Because he didn't want there to be any remembrance of the Jews." Strangely, one man wanted to have his father cremated, as his father, a Holocaust survivor, always said he wanted to meet his parents the same way they left this world, in the concentration camps. He wanted to be cremated, r"l. This man had passed away in North Carolina and was examined by a medical coroner. But when the coroner saw the numbers on his arm, he said, "This is not for me to touch." He contacted the local rabbi, who contacted us. When we made contact with the son, he expressed that his father wanted to be cremated for the same reason. We explained to him that his father's reasoning had been mistaken. Of course, his grandparents would have chosen to be buried in the manner of kever Yisroel. We suggested that he have his father buried properly and put the names of his grandparents, Hy"d, on the tombstone as well. Eventually, he agreed to do that and paid for the kevurah in Eretz Yisroel . It had been a lot of hard work. A Catholic woman walked into our office two weeks ago on a Friday afternoon. She is married to a Jewish man who is very sick. He had told her that he wants to be cremated, but she knows it's wrong according to Jewish law. She spoke to a frum co-worker of hers, who sent her to us. We set her up with how we would arrange it, putting everything in place so that when the time comes, her husband will be buried in a Jewish cemetery. She walked out of the office crying, thanking us. Do Misaskim volunteers find I difficult emotionally to deal with such subjects all the time? I won't say my emotions don't catch up with me at times, but at the end of the day we have ways to help out that can make people's pain a little bit easier, so we've got to jump into it. Would you ever have imagined yourself so deeply involved with such an organization? Never. Everything is given to us. The ideas are all given to us; everything is siyata diShmaya. Some other areas Misaskim is involved in are the following: We have our own chevrah kadishah to take care of meisei mitzvah, people who are niftar with no one to care for their burial. We work closely with Hebrew Free Burial Society as well. Misaskim also organizes for Tehillim to be said for cholim by schoolchildren during the Aseres Yemei Teshuvah, as we just did last week. Tens of thousands of children, all over the world, are all connected to the Bobover Bais Medrash, saying Tehillim. We have also sent out safety booklets before the summers to make the community aware of various safety, law enforcement and driving issues. Something else we began, which is now being run by Mekimi, is getting simchas hooked up so that a family member in the hospital who can't attend can watch it live. We once did a job at NYU hospital with a satellite truck and two and half thousand feet of cable running over Manhattan rooftops - but we did it! When do you and your team work on all this? It's non-stop. And we have incredible team of volunteers. Speaking for myself, I could never do a thing without my family's support, and yes, most days I still try to make time for them everyday, morning and night. Hearing about your organization is inspiring! How can people make a difference in the lives of others, perhaps in small ways? Just pay a little bit attention to your neighbor. Sometimes we don't realize they might just need a little bit of help. I know a Russian Jew, a shoemaker, who has a customer who brings him a hot potato kugel every Erev Shabbos to his store. He's in Gan Eden ! Someone cares for him! Someone looks after him! It's mechayeh him. He tells me, "I have a true friend." How do you keep on going in the face of witnessing so much pain, firsthand? If this is where the Aibishter put me, this is what I have to do. You just keep going. My great-grandfather z"l was very involved in the kehillah during the pre-war years. He was rosh kahal in Germany and I grew up hearing stories about his mesirus nefesh for the klal. He took care of everything, all the town's problems. My grandmother a"h, his daughter, started the first cheverah kadishah in Boro Park after the war. "Tishah kavin" was the way it was done then. There were no chapel mikva'os for taharos. As for my family, being busy for the klal is also something my wife was very used to hearing about. (And she got used to if very quickly in our married life!) My wife's grandfather was rov in Berlin after the war, and then became rov in Petach Tikvah, upon moving there sometime later. He was niftar at the age of ninety-eight, and until way into his nineties was caring for yidden all day long. He never stopped for a day. We each have our own tafkid in life to live, what we have to build. My family gets more s'char than me - for all the Yom Tov meals they opted to wait for me to eat, sometimes until four or five o'clock in the afternoon. When I come home and fame my family, I get back into the Yom Tov mood. Yom Tov is Yom Tov. I'm home and now my responsibility is with my family. Everything comes with siyata diShmaya, lots of siyata diShmaya . Thank you, Rabbi Meyer, for this most inspiring meeting |
